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Afraid To Be Fat in a Fat-Hostile World
I’m fat “phobic”, not a fat people “hater”.
For most of my life, I’ve been slightly overweight, and I’ve had periods of being fat. The only time in my adult life that I’ve been thin was after two weeks of being sick. The first time I was fat was before stores carried anything larger than a size 14. My back and knees hurt if I walked more than five minutes, and I developed a “leak” problem. I have a vision problem, so I didn’t need another limitation.
One of my friends is much larger than average and has knee problems. We were in a boot at a restaurant. When she arrived, she slid into the booth. When we were ready to leave, she had considerable trouble getting out. It was embarrassing for her and distressing for us. Witnessing this made me realize how restrictive public seating is for people who are beyond the socially acceptable size.
Fatphobia causes people with non-fat bodies to perceive themselves as “too fat”. Fatphobia causes everyone to hate their bodies, regardless of size. Fatphobia does not cause thinness, it causes shame. It causes self-hatred. — I smell a whiff of 2000s fat-shaming in the air. If you’ve never spoken out against it, now is the time. By Rebecca Shaw
I’ve seen many people larger than my friend and wondered how they managed in our fat-hostile public spaces. I felt more clumsy than usual when I was at my highest weight. I was constantly bumping into chairs at the coffee shop. Just the design of the place made me feel like I took up way too much space. Even at my `slightly overweight` size, I find public washroom stalls cramped.
I don`t want to be fat in our culture. I`m five feet tall and really do NOT want to be over 150 pounds. But I am. I could go back to using the Lose-It app, but I no longer want to count calories or measure my portions. I`m more inclined toward intermittent fasting for the health benefits than intuitive eating. My hunger/fullness meter is broken. It gravitates far too easily to sweet treats my body doesn’t need.
I find fat unattractive. I can’t help that. What matters to me in a person is who they are as people, not what they look like. So, I chose a fractal image for my social media profile accounts. I want to be “judged” based on what I share, not on what I look like.
