Cognitive mediation is the idea that things in the world don’t cause emotions. Instead, it’s our thoughts about things that affect how we feel.

I’ve experienced a great deal of healing through counselling, participation in 12-step programs, and through people in my life who are not part of my family of origin. The most profound healing came through my relationship with Jesus, the Charismatic Renewal and regularly receiving the Sacraments of Confession and the Eucharist.

My sense of self underwent a complete transformation between 1989 and 1994. Before 1980, I could scarcely stand to look at myself in the mirror. By 1986, I could look at myself and feel only neutral. By the 2000s, I liked the person I saw in the mirror, even when I was 40 pounds overweight. But that’s another story.

Taking things personally is about the stories you tell yourself, not the stories other people tell you.

I tell myself completely different stories now. For example, when someone interrupted me, I thought that what I had to say had no value. Now, I recognize that the other person was simply being inconsiderate. Just because the other person wasn’t interested in what I was saying did not take away it’s value.

As human beings, we are incredibly sensitive to the influence of other people in our lives, especially the ones we spend the most time around.

The messages we hear from other children as we’re growing up powerfully shape the stories we tell ourselves. Because of my visual disability and how I needed to cope with it, my middle-school peers called me “Monster”. Needless to say, I did not consider myself to be OK.